He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
