i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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