Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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