i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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