while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
