This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
