I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
