Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
