Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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