3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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