I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
