New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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