Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
