I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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