Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
well you can't waste a boner
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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