i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
