respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm at about main and main street
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
