It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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