so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
