I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When are your genitals available?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
