i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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