Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
