what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
