I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
