put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
