Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize