I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
