And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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