i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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