Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
love makes seman taste better
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
