i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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