Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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