You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
