If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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