Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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