So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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