It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
