well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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