seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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