His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
