if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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