I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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