you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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