After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
