Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
