elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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