The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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