Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize