Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's like heaven, but drunker
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
