i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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