He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize