I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
