So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
