It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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