I CAN MOONWALK!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
