That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
