this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
