Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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