nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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