We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
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i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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