they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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