She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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