Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
