I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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