I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
