Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
