My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
