You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
