Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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