My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just invented taco cereal.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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